START YOUR FAMILY MEDIATION PROCESS

There are plenty of misconceptions about the process and what a mediator actually does and I hope that I can clarify the process in readiness for you attending your own mediation.

Mediation involves a mediator who has been trained to stay neutral and help the participants make their own decisions. The mediator is in charge of the process and the participants are in charge of putting forward proposals and making decisions about the issues they want to resolve.

The mediator’s job is guiding the process by

• Providing some general information.
• Helping you listen to each other.
• Helping you focus on one issue at a time.
• Asking each of you questions for understanding.
• Some mediators ask a lot about the past, while others focus mostly on the future (you can ask your mediator what to expect).  I tend to focus on the future to help focus on getting an agreement/outcome. We can’t change the past but we can shape a better future
• Encouraging each of you to make proposals.
• Helping you understand each other’s proposals.
• Helping you respond to proposals and helping you turn them into decisions for the future.

You and the other person in the mediation process are often referred to as “the parties” in mediation. The two of you have the job of making decisions:

• Deciding what issues you will discuss – your agenda.

You can raise any issue, but the other person needs to agree before it becomes an agenda topic for discussion.

• Deciding what proposals or options you want to make.

You can propose anything, and the other person can say “Yes” “No” or “I’ll think about it” to your proposals, and make other proposals.

• Calmly explaining your proposals.

In terms that will help the other person understand, as much as possible. Try to emphasize what you want to see in the future, rather than focusing a lot on past problems.

• Calmly asking questions about the other party’s proposals.

It helps to ask him or her to describe Who would do What, When and Where. Asking for their picture of how the proposal would work can help you both understand it better.

• Making your final decisions. 

I will always have these decisions typed so that each party understands the agreement they have reached.  In parenting matters that will become a parenting plan and may become court orders if both parties agree to lodge in the Family Court.